Paper, Rock, Scissors
by Horribibble
Summary: He's a great guy. The only thing he sucks at is Paper, Rock, Scissors. Chu x Kagome
1. Bad Plan

**A/N:** I was initially just going to make this a oneshot, because I saw the massive crossover update and had to be a whore for it. But now, I think I shall have to continue. Pretty sure I'm the first to hit this pairing, so I'll have to hit it right. Critique welcome, but somewhat silly, don't you think?

**Fun Fact:** I'm presently sending a request to have Chu added to the Yu Yu Hakusho character list. Poor Chu. So underloved.

**Warnings:** Nudity, language. No sex yet. X3

* * *

_**P**aper, **S**cissors, **R**ock_

_by **H**illary **E**.** G**.** B**rown_

_(Various other usernames)_

* * *

Once upon a time, a young girl from the future released a half-demon boy from an enchanted sleep.

They journeyed together, far and wide, to collect pieces of a powerful jewel and stop a nefarious enemy, forging new and powerful friendships along the way.

The whole thing was a virtual recipe for romance--except, well, that half-demon wasn't exactly Mr. Right.

Nor was he Mr. Wrong.

In fact, he was what Kagome liked to regard as 'Mr. Wrong With A Severe Case of Schizophrenia and a 2x4.'

His eventual wife disagreed with her, of course, but the woman had, after all, been only recently un-undead.

Courtesy of Kagome herself, as a matter of fact.

_Hey_, she told the others, brushing off concerned sentiments, _she's __**been **__to Hell. She can deal with him a __**lot**__ better than I can._

And that was that, because everyone loved and trusted Kagome.

She was a sweet, self-sacrificing girl who could do no wrong.

It was that kind of thinking that drove her fucking _**crazy.**_

_**

* * *

  
**_

So she'd finally decided to spend some time in _her_ world—the blessed world of automobiles, telecommunications, and indoor plumbing.

She thought it would be a welcome reprieve from dealing with snarky half-demons and clingy wolf princes.

In fact, it had only taken about a day for Yuka, Eri, and Ayumi to 'Poor Kagome' her into near-nervous breakdown.

Because, unfortunately, Hojou had a girlfriend.

A new and beautiful girlfriend to shower with orthopedic sandals and dead lizards.

And they wondered why she started laughing.

They had told her she was being entirely too laid back.

…That she absolutely _had_ to find a boyfriend to validate her existence. (Though not in such reasonable terms.)

And when she _did_ find one, they wanted to be the first to know, naturally!

When they finally left, Souta had taken all of three seconds to look over at his beloved sister, gather his imaginary cape around him, and begin chanting, _'Bleah! Bleah! We want you to suck someone oooooofff!'_

Kagome nearly suffocated.

* * *

And so, at the enthusiastic urging of her brother, and a bit of help from the all-powerful Google, Kagome was off to one of the seediest bars they could find in the area, in hopes of finding someone to hire as her "New Boyfriend".

And now, somehow, here she was:

Naked and wrapped loosely in soft sheets and what felt like two very soft, very warm tree trunks.

She found herself wondering blearily if she'd slept with an ox last night.

An attempt at opening her eyes offered two more helpful pieces of information: The light burned, and she had been drinking.

She groaned at the pounding in her head, but cut herself off at the responding chuckle, "You too, eh, sheila?"

The light still hurt, but she opened her eyes anyway, looking up at her bed partner with narrowed eyes, "Mrph."

He was a big guy, all right, though that had been pretty obvious when she'd woken up _that_ sore. He was scruffy, with a line of green across a tanned nose and big, friendly blue eyes. And a bright blue Mohawk. Couldn't overlook that.

She let her forehead fall back onto his chest.

"Ah, not a big talker?" He sounded a little disappointed, if still playful.

Suddenly, she felt guilty.

"Not a big drinker." She offered quietly, "Or very 'experienced', at all."

She added the last bit with some embarrassment.

"Ahhh," He rubbed her back gently in a way that she, surprisingly, did not mind at all, "'F it helps, I thought ya were just fine."

Her eyes widened comically before snapping shut at the assailing lights, "Unh! Turn off the sun, _please_!"

Another deep chuckle.

She liked that, she decided. It felt nice.

"Got a cure or two might help with that."

"Mmmmm." She mumbled lazily as he shifted out from under her.

She curled into his vacated spot, basking in the warmth and peeking out from under the comforter to sneak a peek at his retreating backside.

Damn.

For a first-timer, she'd done damn well for herself.

* * *

His name was Chu.

He was a demon, and a master of something he called the "Drunken Fighter" technique.

He had a cute accent, a great sense of humor, and he held her hair back while she worshipped the porcelain god.

And, for once, there was someone displaying interest in her that actually looked _male._

_

* * *

  
_

Fortunately, this did not prevent a healthy dose of post-wretch cuddling…which he didn't seem to mind at all.

* * *

**A/N:** Please bear in mind that this was not undertaken as a serious project, but it _is _something I have enjoyed and hope to continue. Do avoid nastiness.

**Soon to come:**

_-Yuka, Eri, Ayumi, and Hojou._

_-The Higurashis. (And Grandpa's near-seizure)_

_-The Shard-hunting gang. _

_-The Spirit Detectives, et al._

_-*Mystery* :3_


	2. Busy Night

**A/N: **Chapter two. Sorry for the wait. This may be revised later.

**

* * *

P**aper, **R**ock, **S**cissors

Hillary E.G. Brown

_(Various Other Usernames)_

**Chapter Two: **Nervy Girl

* * *

Once upon a time, a young girl in a miniskirt that belonged to her mother a long, _long _time ago decided to hire a boyfriend for the sake of a few weeks' peace.

She went to a bar, the seediest she and her brother could find, to look over possible candidates to stop the mournful whining of her 'dearest friends'.

In retrospect, it wasn't such an ingenious plan.

Particularly since the candidates were more interested in paying _her _than being _paid_.

Looking back, it wasn't anywhere _near_ ingenious. In fact, it was more along the lines of the **single dumbest idea she'd ever had.  
**

* * *

She could remember, afterward, a man that looked just a little like her father eying her over the bar-top.

"I'm 18," She'd said, "I'll just take a soda."

The man had just shaken his head and said, "I hope so."

He gave her a root beer with the label carefully scraped off, and told her to 'Make it last.'

And then he wandered to the end of the bar, where a big, burly man with odd blue hair was calling jovially for the barkeep to 'just bring the keg, mate'.

She remembered shifting on the cheap vinyl stool, trying in vain to pull her skirt down just a _little_ bit.

In short, making her discomfort just a mite too plain.

The effect was like blood in water.

By the end of the evening, she'd been pressured into drinking…a _lot _more than she ever would in polite company.

She'd had one or two sips of alcohol at holiday parties and the like, but _never_ anything that could have prepared her for the levels she imbibed at that bar.

Or the pressure that led her to it.

Then again, a gracious host usually didn't refer to you as 'Sweet-ass'.

* * *

She'd wanted to leave.

Her head felt hot and heavy, and her throat had burned from the cheap alcohol.

Her lips, too, from where she'd been biting into them.

But it hadn't been such an easy thing.

She wanted so badly to lash out, push her hand through some thick, heavy barrier and grab onto someone to protect her from these sleazy smiles and unfamiliar, petting hands.

The bartender had tried growling at them to 'back off the kid', but it had only led them to follow her out the door after she stumbled, rather gracelessly, off the barstool.

She was planning to outrun them.

They were hurting her, just by circling her like this—their auras were classless and chafing, settling around her like a vice-grip at her throat.

She wanted to flare out and burn them all, pour cheap liquor on their smoldering bodies—but that was impossible.

She was a good girl.

And, when they stopped her with oily palms and thick fingers, she sent up five grateful prayers when a big, burly man with odd blue hair followed them out.

Blue was her favorite color.

Her absolute favorite color.

She liked it even better than silver.

That's how she knew she'd like _him_.

And, in the midst of bawdy drinking songs he knew by heart, and stupid silly limericks she barely remembered, he agreed to be her 'New Boyfriend' if she'd belt 'em out properly, and proceeded to teach her the proper way to sing about Nancy's legs.

* * *

**Note: **Before I take any flack for 'why she decided to trust the guy', I did mention that she was already completely smashed. Combined with the fact that he saved her, and that blue was a pigment exclusive to non-humans, I'd say she had some decent reasons (en inebria) to go along.


	3. Big Entrance

**A/N: **Chapter the third. Victory! ...sorry for the wait. oo

* * *

**P**aper, **R**ock, **S**cissors

Hillary E.G. Brown

_(Various Other Usernames)_

**Chapter Three: Big Entrance **

* * *

It was odd, to think of it.

Here she was, in a strange bed, with a strange man—a strange _demon—_and she was completely calm.

She was so used to worrying about the requisite seven things at once, and here she was, blank.

Pleasantly blank.

She was no longer 'pure' or 'clean', but she didn't seem to mind the loss.

Here she was, comfortable in her skin for the very first time.

That was it: She felt safe.

"Ya feelin' any betta, sheilah?" His voice was mercifully quiet, but still a deep, soothing rumble where his chest met her back.

Chu sat behind her, broad shoulders resting against the headboard and feet poking out from beneath the blankets. He kept her close, tucked snugly between his legs.

She'd been carted around on men's backs, hoisted up into bridal holds, and tossed over her fair share of shoulders, but she couldn't recall ever being held like this.

Kagome sighed, relishing the feel of calloused hands soothing over her stomach.

"Hm-mm. Much."

He chuckled at her sleepy reply, humming a few disjointed notes, "Wouldn' grudge ya a few more winks."

A slow, easy smile answered him, "I want to talk to you."

"Plenty time fa' that lata." His thumb tapped her hip once, twice, then, "Sleep."

* * *

The first real issue with a boyfriend, in any case, was introducing him to the family. In Kagome's case, it was introducing him to the family without mentioning that she had gone to a seedy bar looking for the base equivalent of a _prostitute._

The second issue was tacking on the little anecdote that, not only had she suddenly acquired a boyfriend after a 'study date at Yuka's'-she had acquired a _demon._

An honest to goodness, modern day, blue-haired superhuman.

Of course, Souta had been briefed on the full story. He'd helped her put the whole ridiculous plan into action. But her confidence in his reliability was, unfortunately, shot to hell when she saw the sparkle in his eyes at the mention of blue hair.

She didn't have the heart to snap him out of it.

He'd seemed so heartbroken when she told him that, no, Chu did not have any 'creature features'.

She wondered if her mother could be so easily distracted, and was almost immediately assaulted by the memory of the lengthy ear-tweaking session that had taken place upon InuYasha's induction into modern-day tactlessness.

She had to be.

It was genetic.

Kagome sighed.

Chu was a good guy, if a little rough around the edges.

If only she knew what to do about Grandpa.

In the end, Kagome settled for informing her shiny new boyfriend that her grandfather was 'touchy' about the subject of demons.

'Touchy' as in highly irritable and prone to throwing 'sacred' ofuda at any potential disturbance of the peace (as well as the occasional shrine goer).

Chu, however, seemed to have interpreted 'touchy' to mean something entirely different.

Something along the lines of enjoying being swept up into big, burly arms for a friendly bear hug and a hale, hearty, 'How 'ah ya?'

By the time the older man was returned to the ground, he seemed to be torn between a particularly aggressive case of rabies and a convulsive, albeit quiet, conniption fit.

She looked over to her mother with a look of abject terror on her face, only to lock eyes with the older Higurashi woman, arching a brow, a teasing smile flirting with her lips.

It was going to be a long night.

A/N: Again, I'm sorry this took so very long. It's in my head, and I kind of know where it's going. ...Actually, I know where it's going, period. Just not entirely certain how it's going to get there. We shall see. oo


	4. Quiet Exit

**A/N: **Again, sorry for the lengthy wait. Life is...stressful. Sorry for the short length of the chapters, but page requirements on college essays are like a stranglehold on my waking hours.

* * *

**P**aper, **R**ock, **S**cissors

Hillary E.G. Brown

_(Various Other Usernames)_

**Chapter Four: Quiet Exit**

* * *

Nothing soured the joy of a home-cooked meal quite like the knowledge that the purple tinge to your grandfather's face was the result of any number of nasty plots to kill your boyfriend.

Not that any of them would _work_, but she'd really rather not have to pry her elderly patriarch off of her boyfriend's face claw by claw.

Heavens only knew how long ago the man had cleaned under his fingernails.

Her mother had been working valiantly to keep up a warm and somewhat neutral line of conversation, but really, the man was a demon, complete with a bizarre color scheme, pointy little fangs, and facial markings.

He was also, apparently, completely oblivious to his numerous and rather gruesome deaths playing in stereo in the cinema of her grandfather's vivid imagination. That, or he was just trying to piss him off by shooting him those broad, cheery grins across the table.

Kagome didn't like how the old priest was gripping his fork.

She turned her head, just slightly, prepared to issue some sort of warning under her breath, but she paused at the feeling of his knee leaning in to hers. A broad hand came to rest on her lap, index finger tapping gently just above the kneecap before his thumb soothed a soft circle into the pattern.

She couldn't help but laugh a little when she caught him humming.

_Now gather round you fellows and if you'll be still  
I'll tell you of a bastard born at Bellevue Hill,  
Born at Boswell Hill, but raised in Camberwell,  
And the first three words he uttered were "Bloody Fucking Hell". _

Hell with it.

Her hand found a similar placement, farther up his thigh, and _squeezed_.

She cut back a grin when he gave a little start before shifting in his his chair.

"Mama, I'd like to take Chu for a tour, if that's all right."

"Of course, dear." Kahoko smiled sweetly as her daughter rose, removing her hand from a decidedly suggestive place on her new boyfriend's thigh. Her gaze snapped quickly to her younger child as Souta made to join them. "Ah. Souta, would you mind taking your sister's plate in? I could use the extra hands in the kitchen, and you know how grandpa is."

Souta couldn't quite understand the point.

The only thing grandpa _was_ at the moment was purple, but that didn't mean a thing about his dish-drying capabilities. Not really.

He made as if to protest when his mother cut him off, tone insistent, "You can tell me all about soccer practice. Or do you have homework?"

Souta sighed, shuffling off to do as he was asked as his sister made off with the newest superhero.

"Now, Kahoko—."

"Your mouth is moving but all I'm hearing is 'soft food diet, soft food diet'."

Grandpa Higurashi felt it wise to remain silent.

* * *

"Pretty eaga' t'get outta theh, weren'tcha?" She looked back over her shoulder, smiling a little when she caught his grin and turned to meet him halfway as he caught up.

"I thought I would do you a favor, since you've been so accommodating."

"A fava'? Yer old man was jus' stahtin' t'warm up to me."

"If by 'warm up' you mean 'slip strychnine into your dessert', then absolutely, grandpa's sure _hot_ on _you_."

A low chuckle in his chest—the sort of deep, rumbling vibration she was quickly growing to _love—_and he rested those big hands on her waist, looking down at her with a genial smile on his face.

"If yer mum cooked it, I don't think I'd mind."

She snorted, "Flirt."

The smile expanded into a grin, "Yeah. Gonna give me a tour, are ya?"

"Anh," She shrugged, pressing closer and looking up coyly, "I kind of wanted dessert."

"No kiddin'?" His eyebrows arched up, his interest plain as day.

"Serious as a heart attack." She nearly purred into his ear before moving away, just slightly, and brightening up, "I want ice cream."

"Eh—whot th—_c'mere_!"

She laughed, not minding a single bit as he hoisted her up into his arms, stopping just short of lugging her over his shoulder. This way, she was nearly propped up against his shoulder, looking down into darkening, but ever mirtful blue eyes.

"That ain't fightin' fair."

"I guess I could wait on the ice cream."

* * *

**A/N: **Teeeeeeease. If anyone wouldn't mind sketching up art for this, I'd love to see it. XD

Either way, I do hope you've enjoyed the chapter. Hopefully, the next one will come out soon.


	5. Backwards Date

**A/N: **To you beautiful, amazing, wonderful people—I'm sorry you had to wait. I am finally kicking myself in the ass to get myself to update (like a boss). If any of you wouldn't mind, you can contact me for motivation and what you'd like to see at any location listed on my page. Also, I now have a LiveJournal to keep myself motivated and keep you apprised of my updates and progress. My username is Mockingboots.  
Thank you so much for the reviews and support. Necessary responses are at the bottom. ;3

* * *

**P**aper, **R**ock, **S**cissors

Hillary E.G. Brown

_(Various Other Usernames)_

**Chapter Five : Backwards Date**

* * *

She had a niggling feeling that they were going about this 'dating' thing a little bit bass-ackwards, but she couldn't quite bring herself to care. It was pretty fun, regardless of the horrible mess they'd made of classical protocol.

It made learning to walk normally after fooling around just a little bit less humiliating when a big, strong arm wrapped around to prop her up as she stumbled over a bit of uneven sidewalk. They continued along that way, smiling and half-hugging and searching for the nearest ice cream shop to replenish the energy they'd worked off during their 'tour' of the old shrine structures.

Amazingly, she hadn't spent more than a moment feeling shy or ashamed. It would probably come later, while her grandfather droned his way through his usual rounds with her in tow.

"Still don't get why ya need to hire someone fa this." He laughed, tapping his nose against the top of her head before straightening again. Heavens, he was massive—tall and strong with none of the slender fairness and enviable bone structure she'd grown so used to in men.

She shook her head and tried to let the old frustrations out on a long exhale. It was refreshing to have him, but the reasons were still on the 'to-do' list. She felt like an old woman sometimes, sorting through so many ridiculous expectations.

She'd helped save the world. Shouldn't that count for not needing a man to validate her existence?

"Believe it or not, I used to be pretty good at taking care of myself."

"Can tie ya shoes an' everythin'."

The good humor saved him a punch in the gut—not that he would have felt it. Instead, she rolled her eyes and burrowed into his side.

"I grew up, but half the time it's like I'm still twelve."

He arched a brow suggestively, and she couldn't but laugh.

"I'm not kidding. They gasp when I swear."

"You _sweah_?" The scandalized expression tore it. Serious discussions had bit the dust.

"You're buying."

"_That's _mature."

"Catch me if you can, grandpa!" She sang before sticking her tongue out and pulling away, dashing off down the walk, now much less concerned with her own awkward soreness.

* * *

Oh, no.

Once she rounded a corner and plowed into a soft body, she became much less concerned with the soreness in her core and much _more _concerned with the looming soreness in her brain.

It's a conditioned response to being cooed at like a wounded bird.

Justified, because suddenly there was a whole lot of cooing and petting and awkward fawning going on.

"Oh, Kagome, it's so good to see you out and about."

"Are you sure you feel well enough to be out this late?"

"Hush, Ayumi, of course she is. She's been getting lots of rest."

"You look so cute! Were you out on a date?"

"A date? You go, girl!"

"...But why are you running?"

The chattering came to a halt as heavy footfalls rounded the corner behind her. "There ya are!" Chu laughed, beaming brightly in the face of the teenage firing squad.

The situation wasn't lost on Kagome, which was probably why she didn't completely lose her shit when Yuka whipped out a can of pepper spray and aimed it straight at the burly man's face.

Chu just blinked at the foreign object, and Kagome realized that, despite his vagrant looks, he probably wasn't too familiar with the concept. Creeping up on women in the demon world probably involved a lot more physical punishment and a lot less horrendous burning in the eyes.

He caught up quickly enough, chuckling nervously as he took a step back, hands raised in a gesture of surrender, "Easy now, sheilah. I'm harmless."

"Oh-ho. Pull the other one, pervert, I am _so _not buying what you're selling."

Ayumi and Eri tried to tug her into the huddle they'd formed behind the fearless femme, but she swatted their hands away before making a 'shoo, shoo' motion and grabbing Yuka's arm.

"Yuka, put it away. Is that stuff even legal?"

"More legal than what _he_ wants to do!" She growled, still focusing on her 'woman on the edge' persona.

And the hands were back.

"He wants to do dirty things to you!"

"He's a _pervert_!"

The be-all and end-all tone paired with the wide eyes was almost enough to make her wonder where McGruff the Crime Dog had wandered off to. *

"He's my _date_."

"...Date?" Yuka nearly squeaked, taking her turn at blinking like a stunned doe as she lowered the can with all the ceremony of an officer holstering her weapon.

"The kind that takes me places, even."

"Him?"

"You were so happy about me being out five minutes ago."

"But he..."

"Is standing right in front of you."

"..._Huge_."

"Oh, I'll tell you all about _that _later."

"Kagome!"

"I still want ice cream."

Chu was doing a remarkable job of holding it in as he rejoined her, plucking her neatly from the clutching fingers of her shell-shocked friends and steering her back towards their destination—_away_.

They lasted for a few moments after turning another corner before both of them cracked up, and it became almost impossible to decipher who was supporting who.

* * *

"They're in for the shock of their lives when they find out Ken dolls _lied _to them."

"Am I really that scary?"

He asked later as she watched him lick the remainder of his frozen treat from where it had dripped—between the thumb and forefinger.

It took a moment or two for her to gather herself for a response: a goofy little smile and a spot of soft-serve dabbed onto the tip of his nose.

"Not anymore."

* * *

On the way back, she felt confident enough to walk unsupported, but he grabbed at her fingers, anyway. The calloused pads of his own fingers fluttered over her palm as he adjusted the grip, holding her hand properly, and tugging her closer.

They walked like a normal couple, albeit the oddness of the match still drew attention.

He mumbled to her, "You sure you picked the right match fa this?"

And she was.

She really was, but it still ached a little, knowing that they'd have to talk about that whole 'payment' thing at some point.

She smiled and nodded anyway, and the way he squeezed her hand sent warmth spilling up her palm, her arm, and left it splashing warm and sunny in her chest.

He took to guiding her home with the warmth of his palm, and struck up a cheery rendition of "Pour Some Sugar On Me".

"_That _is not a drinking song."

"Nah, it's a classic."

* * *

They took forever to get back, because they kept stopping to dance under the street signs and lamp lights.

* * *

The next morning, when Kagome wandered downstairs, rubbing the sleep from her bleary eyes, she found her mother alone in the kitchen.

It was oddly comforting, to know that so many things could stay the same when other things seemed to change so much.

Her mother was a smiling anchor, fiddling with pots and pans, shooting her that knowing look as she rummaged in the fridge for something appropriately breakfast-y to eat.

"You came in late last night. I was starting to worry, after all that noise from the well house."

And suddenly that smile had gone from 'proud mother' to 'proud madame'.

Like most normal young women, Kagome found it opportune to panic. If the orange juice had been alive right about then, the death-grip she adopted would have killed it.

"Oh, stop that. You'll spill it all over the place, and Souta just finished helping me mop up all of the syrup spots from his sleepover."

"_Mama_."

"Relax, sweetheart. Where do you think you and your brother came from?"

...Surprisingly accepting.

Kagome was torn between humming like her brother did in these situations and spilling the entire setup like orange juice—like syrup.

Guilt was sticky, too.

Kahoko shook her head, and her eyes sparkled just the way they always did when she felt connected to her children, "You _smile_ at each other, you know?"

The younger Higurashi woman couldn't help but make a face, and her mother laughed.

"Oh, I know it seems silly, but mothers like to see little things like that. ...He doesn't sound like such a slouch in bed, either."

She didn't seem particularly affected as her daughter gagged and shoved the bottle back into the fridge, turning for the door. Ah, it couldn't be helped. She was still young, after all.

Kahoko went back to fussing over her chosen task, but not before calling over her shoulder, "As long as you use protection."

...Oh, _eff._

* * *

**_A/N_**: Once again, I'm so sorry for the wait. This chapter was a monster to get myself into, but the next is fully fleshed out and should be much easier to write. To **Kin Pandun**, I **_love _**you. I appreciate that you enjoyed the story enough to leave such a detailed review. They were actually fooling around on the grounds, so don't worry too much about grandpa. Stay amazing. :3 . **I See Dead Animals**, I'm so glad you liked it enough to sketch it out. :) I'll do my best to meet your expectations more quickly next time.

**Answers: **

_Demon's purity—_ When they introduce Chu in the Dark Tournament, they explain that the line-up was chosen by 'Paper, Rock, Scissors', which Chu apparently sucks at. I thought it was cute.

_Quorinne—_ I'm always glad to broaden horizons. Sadly, I haven't seen any other fics with this pairing. I had to e-mail the site to have Chu added to the list. Travesty! :(


End file.
